Two weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk staring at the computer screen feeling exhausted and mentally drained. I had gotten plenty of sleep the night before and there wasn’t anything in particular stressing me out. I was simply tired of sitting at a desk finding things to do to keep a paycheck coming. Overall, my job wasn’t bad either. But the work I was doing had nothing to do with the life I wanted to live.
One year out of college and nine months into my first “big girl” job, I finally realized what I wanted, or more so what I didn’t want. A giant wave of anxiety washed over me as I sat at my desk and realized I could not sit there another day and watch the best years of my life be compromised because I needed to “put in my time.” I have passions that need to blossom, important people I need to invest time in (including myself), there are places I need to explore and visions that need to become my reality. So I decided right then and there that it would be my last day at the office.
After sitting at my desk feeling like a nervous wreck for most of the day, I mustered up the courage to ask my boss for a quick meeting alone. We scheduled something for later in the day. I can’t remember if this made my anxiety worse or better. Either way, I sat there all day wondering what he would say, what people would think, and what in the heck I was going to do. I knew I wanted to pursue other things and free myself from life at an office but wasn’t sure what my immediate move would be to maintain an income. Luckily, I was still working my college waitressing job one night a week for some extra “fun money” which was far less than enough to live off of. I knew from a previous conversation, that I wouldn’t be able to pick up any additional shifts there so I was still in a pickle but had at least a little bit of income to rely on for the time being.
The mediocrity of the past nine months of my life hit me like a wall of water and I was mentally drowning in the idea of living a life I wasn’t proud of for another day. I had to push aside the voices in my head saying I would be throwing my college education away, I would become a washout, and my dreams would never become a reality. Trust me, those voices were loud and pulled my mind in every which way but the voice in my heart was louder and was the one I needed to follow.
The “I quit” meeting with my boss went much smoother than expected. I explained I had nothing but respect for the company and gratitude towards all of been offered and taught, but that it was time for me to follow bigger dreams and take control of my own life. My reason for leaving was much understood and even respected. Phew.
Two weeks have passed and I haven’t looked back. My gut feeling couldn’t have been more right. I miraculously was able to come back to the waitressing job full time and received generous funds from loved ones to get me by. I’ve learned more about myself and what I’m capable of. I am starting to really dive deep into the goals I want achieve. New opportunities are already presenting themselves to me and people are responding so well to my decision to leave. To be honest, I was afraid people would look down on me and consider me a quitter because, although I’m working vigorously on my new goals, I don’t have much to show for them….YET! I’m a happier person, not only because I’m out of an undesirable environment, but also because I feel proud of myself and can look forward to a bright future that I build for myself. I am open to new possibilities and have a better perspective on where my heart is at.
I hope to soon share the new things I am working on and more about what I learn from this out-of-the-office life.
One of my biggest motivations is the desire to prove that I can be successful on my own and to share with others how they can do so as well. The challenges and doubts are most definitely there. Pushing yourself to achieve your goals is in no way easy, but it pays off more than you would even image. If you’re ever feeling the same gut feeling I felt, take some time to evaluate your options. Out weigh the good and the bad and trust your heart. That burning feeling inside of you isn’t going to go away.
I cannot wait to share this new chapter in my life and hear where you’re at in yours. Trust your heart, loves. Take the leap and find your wings on the way down.